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by hwoosh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Exile, Inspired by Music, M/M, Seventeen-freeform, SoonHoon-Freeform, Soonhoon - Freeform, Taylor Swift - Freeform, Woozi, hoshi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwoosh/pseuds/hwoosh
Summary: Jihoon tried.Soonyoung's tired.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	home

**Author's Note:**

> \- inspired by exile by taylor swift ft. bon iver  
> \- please don't hesitate to comment if you have any concerns  
> \- angst
> 
> happy reading!

Jihoon stares at the sheet of paper in front of him. The paper seems to be mocking him, with all the blank space just begging to be written on. 

He sat up straight, turned to his computer, tried to make something but the words just won't come. The perfect melody just won't come out. 

He's been doing the same routine for the past weeks; going to his studio, sitting in front of the computer, and just staring at the blank piece of paper. 

He's Jihoon for Pete's sake. Jihoon, who wrote a full song in just 2 hours. Jihoon, who can write songs for the whole day without break. Jihoon, who made a whole album in one week. 

If only the words would come. 

If only his muse is there. If only Soonyoung’s there with him. The lack of Soonyoung's presence greatly affected him. The lack of Soonyoung physically and emotionally greatly affected him. 𝘏𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩. 𝘏𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩

For the first time in a long time, Jihoon feels restless. 

A soft knock, followed by three more, pulled Jihoon out of his trance. Without the need to voice it out to know who's the one knocking, the door opened. The sight of Soonyoung looking dejected welcomed him. 

Jihoon watches as Soonyoung's eyes trail through everything in his studio. As if the older doesn't memorize every nook and crook of the studio. Soonyoung looks at everything except him except for Jihoon that's standing in front of him, for Jihoon that’s staring at him. 

"... Are you free right now?" Soonyoung starts. 

"I'm always free for you, Soonyoung," Jihoon answered. 

He gestured Soonyoung to sit on the couch beside him. He cannot help but look at their hands beside each other. He wanted nothing more than to grab them and hold them in his own, but he hesitates, stopped himself, and looking away for a few seconds. He knows that Soonyoung would be uncomfortable with it. Ironic, right? During the start of their relationship, he’s the one uncomfortable with skinship but now, it’s Soonyoung. 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. And he didn't want to make this unbearable tension in the air feel more suffocating. 

Taking a shaky breath, Soonyoung continued. 

"Jihoon, I... I think we should break up," Soonyoung says, voice getting inaudible towards the end. His head hung low, tears slowly falling from his eyes. 

And no matter how much he expected it, Jihoon couldn't help the stinging in his chest upon hearing those words. He expected it but, 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩. He knew it was coming. He saw it coming. But he didn't want it. 

It was inevitable. It cannot be stopped. But still, Jihoon hoped that Soonyoung would change his mind. Soonyoung would fight for him, for their relationship. 

And if Soonyoung won't fight for them, he would. Jihoon would. Jihoon would fight for both of them.

"Soonyoung, my love, you do not mean that right? I heard it wrong, right? Please, say it. Say what you want. I'm going to do anything, anything as long as I can keep you." He offered. 

Soonyoung takes another shaky breath in and muttered "Jihoon, I'm sorry. I... I'm tired. I'm tired of loving you. Loving you is hurting me. I cannot love you anymore."

How did they get there? Jihoon doesn't even know. They were happy for the longest time, weren't they? 

Were. Was. Past. 

They 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 happy. They 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 in love.

Until they weren't anymore. At least, Soonyoung's not in love anymore because Jihoon's sure that he loves Soonyoung. Too much. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩.

"Soonyoung, please. Give me another chance. Let's start over? I love you, Soonyoung. I love you so much." He begged while crying. 

Soonyoung swallowed the lump on his throat, eyes still not looking at Jihoon. He closes his eyes, afraid to look at Jihoon’s face. He was scared to find out what emotion may be displayed on his Jihoon’s face. Soonyoung takes another shaky breath and tried to look at Jihoon. 

Jihoon stared at him longingly, hoping that Soonyoung would give their relationship another chance. They are each other’s home. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘑𝘪𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦?

"I hope you find what makes you happy," Soonyoung said, looking straight on Jihoon’s eyes while standing, getting ready to leave. He stood up, went to the door, roamed his eyes around Jihoon’s studio for the last time. Taking all he can get while looking one last time. He gave Jihoon one last look, turned, and walked out of Jihoon's studio for the last time.

There wasn't much to say. 

Jihoon knew it, but he couldn't help but feel that he should have said something, anything. Made a noise, said a word, so maybe Soonyoung would stop walking. Jihoon remained seated, crying alone. Not believing that Soonyoung broke up with him. 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 1. 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺. The whys hang on Jihoon’s head. He should've said something. He should've stopped Soonyoung. He should've explained himself again. He should've tried harder. He should've begged harder. 

And he still can. So he did. 

Jihoon ran as fast as he could to chase Soonyoung. He ran while looking room by room, hoping to see Soonyoung. Asking every person he passed by if they saw Soonyoung. 

"Soonyoung!" Jihoon exclaimed when he saw Soonyoung walking out of the company. 

Soonyoung looks at the voice calling him, "Jihoon?" he questions. 

"Please give me another chance. I'll make things right. Soonyoung, I'm begging you. I love you so much. I'm going to forget everything you said earlier, just please take me back? Soonyoung, you are my home. We are each other's home." Jihoon begged, crying his heart out, wishing that his sincerity would reach Soonyoung's heart. 

"Jihoon, You are not my home anymore." Soonyoung walked out of Jihoon's life. He did not look back. Leaving Jihoon standing there, clutching his chest, knowing that Soonyoung would forever be his home. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘚𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 

... 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦  
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨  
𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦  
𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸?

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry, i tried. huhuhu. soonhoon selca pspspspspspsps.
> 
> thank you for reading. i appreciate you!
> 
> twt: @chasinghui


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